Hello! This is supposed to be feedback on your project, Demon Brothers! First of all, I love the way your opening page looks on the story book! I picture is very nice, clear and colorful. I also like how you mixed the letters/numbers in the title of the project- it makes it look so mysterious and cool! The intro page also looks very nice, however, I would suggest maybe making the banner image different from the opening page. This is a personal preference, but I think it would add variety to the site. Maybe another cool picture of a different cave. As for the actual story, I was a bit confused on who the narrator was for the tale. You open up with a diary entry, but it's hard to tell who is writing the diary. It makes the story a bit confusing. Maybe if you move the little note that you have at the bottom of the page to the top, it would make it a bit more clear. That way we have an intro into the story/the layout of the story before the story starts. Also, who is Abhavi? From the explanation at the bottom, it talks about 2 demon brothers and a wise teacher. I thought Abhavi was a demon brother, but it looks like the demon brothers are Ilvala and Vatapi. Maybe you could explain this in a little authors note or clarify it a bit in the story. My confusion might be because I don't think I've read the story that this is based on-maybe you could add a link to the indian epic story that inspired you! I loved the adventure aspect of your story, it reminded me of Indiana Jones (which I love). You left the story on a bit of a cliffhanger, so I'm excited to read more!
Hey!I really liked the opening picture that you show in your storybook! It captivated me right away and I knew I was in for a ride. When I got to your introduction I really liked reading the journal entry although I was confused who was supposed to the be the author. After reading it a couple of times I wondered what we will be reading about. Will it have horror aspects, comedy, or adventure? I think the possibilities are endless and you can do whatever you want. Another thing that I was wondering about is if the last paragraph in the introduction is a journal entry or just a separate paragraph. I wonder if you can give us some hints about what we will learn about in the coming stories at the end of your introduction. I am really excited to read your stories when you post them.
Raph3al, I am torn as to whether or not having specific details about your story on the Home page is better than having it directly on the Introduction page. I feel that that information is important, but I don't know what it belongs.That said, you have a creative idea. I think you are a fairly good writer, so I have basically nothing to say that would improve your writing. You should probably re-write that first sentence of the journal. It's a run-on sentence.However, I would personally change the detail where the story directly states that it is under the statue. I don't know that that adds anything except doubt in the reader's mind as to the plausibility of this story.I like your intro! Good job!
Hey!I really enjoyed the first picture on your home screen when I first entered your site. It's definitely a great first picture to see because I was able to get a feel for your story before I read anything. I read the intro part of your story and really enjoyed it. The ending had a good cliffhanger and it left me wanting to read more. If there's one thing I would change about your story it would probably be to tweak the beginning of it because the story starts off a little slow and I think you could do a better job in catching the reader's attention. Other then that great story!
I think your website looks great. It is super easy to navigate. I love your color scheme. It looks very well put together. I think that your home page does a great job of intriguing us the audience. It makes you want to hop right in and go on a journey. Your intro is GREAT!! So many people do the minimum of 1 photo but you added more. It really helps it feel like a real story and a picture is worth 1000 words so you add so much depth adding more photos. I love it is from first person. I like how it seems personable. Like I know you and I want to learn more. I really like the line “Agastya also told me he detected no lie in any story the brothers told.” This is cool because I was not questioning the narrator before but because you bring attention to it, it make me feel like I should. I also Like that your authors note is separate. I have not seen any one else do that. Great job!!
Howdy Boss,Firstly, your site is wild – I really enjoy its design. It seems like you went really minimalist, but there’s still a good deal of flair to it. Your project seems like it will turn out to be quite layered- with the potential bias in the narrator, to the way you’ve written everything as very positive/negative, I think this will be a very interesting deal. I am excited to see how you build this over the semester. You included more pictures in your project than anyone else’s I’ve seen so far. That made a huge difference; there was so much reference in those pictures. Your Intro page seemed really cultivated thanks to the combination of your layout and the inclusion of the pictures. The balance of fraternity and the very systematic writing style makes your story super neat. I think you’ve got a cool foundation going and I’m excited to see this project develop.
Hey Rapheal,Great job in the introduction portion of the your story (The Promise). You really set the scene, tone and introduced the characters well. It is super important to do this as it allows the reader to focus on the story and not have to go back and think now who is Ivala again? or something like that. Awesome job with that. I did think it was kind of odd that throughout the process of their parents being missing that Ivala and Vatapi did not attempt or even consider looking for their lost mom and dad. Even if they did not search for them in the original text I think it would make the story more believable if you had the two brothers at least consider searching after them before for whatever reason they decide not to. I know for myself if my parents or loved ones went missing I would be looking all over and not just waiting for their return. Just one small nitpick in an overall great rendition of the original text. Awesome job and keep up the good work.
Hi Raphael! This week, as I give feedback< I wanted to focus on the design of the site. Your Storybook has such a formal design to it. I think this design correlates to the stories that you have written and images that you have chosen. Therefore, there is a uniformity in your entire Storybook. Furthermore, I like the "Previous" and "Next" buttons that you have provided at the end of each story. It makes it feel more like a book, where I can turn the page from where I left off. There is no need to scroll to the top to change the story, instead, you have provided these buttons at the bottom. I also really liked how there was a link to your Comment Wall at the end of each story. This makes it easy for the readers who are in your class to reach out and make a comment. Overall, I enjoyed your stories and can see that you have already finished your Storybook! Great job!
Hey Raphael,I really enjoyed how you set up your story. I liked the way you used a lot of descriptive words to help showcase the imagery you were getting across. I feel as though a good way to a good story is a strong foundation and entry; without it, it usually bores the reader, but I feel like you avoided that and gave us a great entry! It kept me interested, the way you set up your story. The way you carried out your story and connecting it back to your introduction once again with your word usage really kept it all together, as well. This, alongside your site design really made your story stick out to me and helped me remember you! That is also a really good trait to have when storytelling - to be remembered. I feel like you really hit that with your intro and design layout. Well done.
Hello Raphael,I really liked your introduction. As the two brothers were exploring the caves, I was immediately sucked in to your story, especially when they discovered the statue and what was hidden inside of it. I also liked that you told the story of the two brothers from a more sympathetic standpoint. They really had some poor luck, and didn't deserve to be treated so harshly wherever they went. The only feedback I have is that at times it felt unclear who your narrator was. In the beginning I thought the story followed the two tourist brothers, but when it switched to the stories of the demon brothers, I couldn't always tell who was telling the story. Overall good work though! I think you have a great storybook.